Meridith and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Qualifying Exam

I’ve made my way all the way to the end of my 20th year of schooling without much in the way of seemingly insurmountable challenges. Sure, the post secondary life is peppered with exams (SAT, ACT, GRE), finals, applications processes, and so on, but while all of these have caused me stress in the past, none even compare to my qualifying exams of my PhD program. This past May, after a year of courses and months of studying, I tackled three days of intense examinations which included a day of two 3-hour Stats Theory exams and nearly 48 hours of a take home applied project. I went in with months of studying, waves of support from friends and family (thanks!) , 6 pages front and back of notes to use, and even a belly full of sushi. I come out… completely and utterly defeated.

Failed like I failed to keep it together during
this episode of Dr. Who.

Going back a bit, studying leading up to these exams had pretty much become my life on top of coursework for my spring classes. The Fear and Guilt set in early and persisted throughout that time. If I was studying I was afraid of not being able to get enough exam practice and progress made in time. If I wasn’t studying, I felt guilty for spending any of the available time I had on anything else. Maintaining your mental health is important during this time, but it becomes increasingly difficult when anytime you make an effort to carve out time for yourself or your relationships that Guilt is always looming. When that first day finally arrived and we had our two theory exams, I tried to pump myself up and really believe in my abilities. I’d always pulled it together before! My brain was just. not. having it. Some of the questions threw me through a loop, some were from topics from other classes that I had not reviewed, some were fairly straightforward but my scumbag brain decided to wait to remember everything relevant until right as I was turning in my exams.

2014 Reflections, Resolutions, and Round-Up

Hello, 2015! Rachel and I are living it up with our lovely friends in Boston. This year has been wonderful thus far, but we wanted to take a few moments and reflect on the great things that 2014 brought to us.  One of the most rewarding things for us, in the last year, was starting this blog.  From the launch of our Tumblr blog in January of 2014 to occupying this space in May, we feel so blessed to have this space to share our experiences as travelers, learners, and burgeoning female scientists!

Starting the new year sharing the same physical space is always a blessing for us as a creative duo.  We've been discussing our ideas/hopes/dreams for the future of Sweet Tea, Science, and you can rest assured that we are cooking up some exciting content for 2015!

Is there a Doctor in the House?

I’m over a month into my PhD program and I’m still oscillating between wild, ecstatic optimism and stone cold, stop you in your tracks fear of the route ahead.  Completing a Master’s degree was two and a half years of hard work and setbacks culminating in one of the proudest, happiest moments of my life - successful defending of my thesis. I’m back on track for five more years of the grad student life, but these will be harder, faster, stronger times ahead than before. Good thing I’ve got my Daft Punk pandora station ready to go. My Masters program didn’t entail any qualifying or comprehensive exams so they seem like lofty, impassable goals now. A sentiment shared by my cohort members, but we’ve found that the more information we have the more confidence we gain. We here at STS would like to share what we know about our own roads to knowledge with you the readers so that you guys can find the confidence to face this journey too.

Fiscal Responsibility feat. Sweet Graphs

Back in April, I took a big step towards being a Real Adult and started my own budget spreadsheet. After just the first month, I was completely shocked at how much I was actually spending (read: THAT much on dining out?!) Now that I’m heading back into the tight grip of grad schooldom, I know that I need to prepare myself for the grad school lifestyle. Which, of course, means living within my means. My first step in this preparation process was to create a budget spreadsheet for myself. I’m a big believer in ‘knowledge is power,’ and had to embrace that mantra to keep my head up while working on this project.

I started in Excel with two of the provided templates: College Cash Flow and Monthly Home Budget. Both templates provides you with a file already outfitted with calculations to auto-fill the green boxes based on data in the yellow boxes. In the College Cash Flow file, you input your starting money on hand and monthly expenses by convenient categories likely to be used by college students (e.g. books, tuition, etc). Your total income, expenditures, cash flow, and ending balance are automatically calculated for each month. The Monthly Home Budget sheet performs a similar task, but on a shorter time scale. You also have an opportunity to compare your actual income/expenses to budgeted ones. Together they are both useful, but I found that with a little extra work I could create a more interconnected, useful budgeting tool, complete with visuals.

I wanted to know more about my individual purchases in addition to total monthly charges, so I added a section to the Monthly Home Budget sheet at the bottom where I could input each individual purchase with Date, Cost, Type, and Notes. I found that having to record each transaction separately also helped me stay aware of my spending as the month progressed. I have Office 2008 for Mac on my computer, so everything I mention subsequently will be specific to that version of Excel.The major amendments to the spreadsheet templates are as follows:

Eco-Inspiration: Love Letter to the USA National Parks

Olympic NP, July 2012.  Holds the distinction of
being my FAVORITE NP.

I know I'm late to the party, but I hope that everyone had an amazing holiday weekend and a great 4th of July.  If you are a puppy, or if you love a puppy, then I hope that Thursday wasn't too stressful for you!  I always think the 4th of July is really interesting, and I do try to take time and reflect on things that I really appreciate about the USA.  I know we aren't a perfect country, but we are a country of big bold ideas.  And one of the biggest and boldest of those ideas is the American National Park Service and the system of parks they manage.  I am absolutely in love with visiting national parks, and as of 2010, I made it my 10-year goal to see all of my country's national parks.  A lofty goal, perhaps.  A worthy journey, most certainly.

The National Park Service does a lot more than just manage the 59 recognized national parks in the system. They also look after national lake shores, battlefields, historic sites, heritage areas, sea shores, rivers and so much more (get a full list here)!  But, as that bring the count of parks to see way (way) up, my goal is just to see the 59 official parks.  As I am writing this, I can say I have been to 16 parks and driven through another two, though I don't plan to count those unless it comes down to the wire.  I have plans to visit Alaska, which boasts a high score of 8 national parks, once I finish my PhD.  So, between then and now, I guess I have to see the rest!

Eco-Inspiration 7: Making Time

Echo Lake Snowshoeing Weekend, Feb. 2013

Don't worry, this post isn't just complaining about being busy, there is totally a point!  But, these past two weeks have been tough for me.  One of the hardest parts of graduate school (in my own opinion, and I think others would agree) is applying for grants.  Grant writing is an art.  You have to propose enough work that it sounds like you will get interesting results, but you can't propose so much that the granting agency knows you will never be able to accomplish your stated objectives.  Then, after you figure out the question you want to ask and how you want to address it, you have to tell the reviewers a nice story. 

The usual. Eva' day.

This is what science is all about really, and I don't think many people realize it.  Just like in many other fields, at the end of the day, I'm a story teller.  Sure, I support the details of my story with data and I do my very best to remain objective, but unless I can convey why my work matters and how it fits into our current understanding of things, I'm basically wasting my time.  Because, you know, lab and field equipment don't grown on trees and I need someone to pay for this stuff.  True story, I'm not independently wealthy.  But, I digress. As the summer (and the field season) roll in, I've been putting all my creative efforts into writing grants and developing project that could eventually end up as chapters of my dissertation.  The result of this, however, is me sitting at my desk for hours and hours each day reading, writing, drinking coffee, and repeating.  

Don't get me wrong, I'm totally academically stimulated (and slowly becoming some sort of zombie creature), but this time last year I was finishing up my MS and getting ready to head out on an epic summer road trip!  In fact, my partner in crime from last summer, Meridith, is heading out again in just a few days.  This summer, she's solo traveling around Europe for three months.  Can I just say how insanely jealous I am and how all of you should read her blog because she is beautiful, brilliant, and hilarious!  At the same time, my little sister (who just graduated with a BS in Biology!) is about to head off on a two month adventure to hike the Appalachian Trail.  Jealous again.  Jealous, jealous, jealous!  So, after stewing in this little pot of extreme stress (looming grant deadline) and mild (or less than mild...) travel envy for a few days, I realized what the heck my problem was.  

THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS

When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things 

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

— Wendell Berry

Rocky Mt. NP, Summer 2012

I know I said this previously, during my very first eco-inspiration piece, but I think that it could stand some repeating:  It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it (thanks Edward Abby!).  So, as part of my New Year's Resolution to "be a better person," I decided to commit to making time for nature each and every month.  And so far in 2013, I have totally succeeded.  In January, all of my college roommates were visiting me and we went on a pretty amazing hike near Auburn, CA.  In February I went to the snow.  Over Easter weekend in March, D Lo and I took his cousin on an overnight camping trip in the Cache Creek Wilderness.  And in April I went on an amazing hike with my Conservation Ecology class along Oat Hill Mine trails near Calistoga, CA (nerdy ecologists+volcanic pinnacles+endemic plants=great times!), and then the next day I ran my sprint-triathlon along the shores of Lake Berryessa.  

Auburn Recreation Area, Jan. 2013

Oat Hill Mine Trail, April 2013

So why have I been feeling so mopey lately?  Well, I think it's because it's been over a month from my last outdoor adventure.  I agree with Wendell Berry wholeheartedly.  I find peace among wild things, and when I'm stressed, I don't make space for things that bring me peace.  Silly really.  

So, I just emailed a bunch of my lady-ecologist gal pals and tried to find a hiking buddy or two for this weekend.  If no one can come, I'll go on my own.  Life gets busy, and I feel that after starting this program, it has become even more so.  I can only imagine what it will be like when I graduate an get a real job.  For this reason, I think it's really important for all of us to actively choose to make time for things that we enjoy.  And making time to be in nature will only strengthen your resolve to do right by this planet we are so fortunate to live on.  

Cache Creek Wilderness, March 2013

Last Word:  Finding a work-life balance is very difficult, and probably a life long learning process.  I'm re-resolved to make time for the things that I care for.  Especially being outside.  OH, and less you think I'm a huge jealous jerk, let me plug Meridith's blog yet again (http://www.alwaysascientist.com/).  She is an amazing writer, and if you go back to some previous posts you can read her take on some of our adventures last summer.  She might also be writing a guest post for this blog while overseas... stay tuned.  

What do you think?  What things do you make time for that bring you peace and fulfillment?  Do you schedule in your "nature" time?  

Low Impact Travel: Going to the Snow

My feet in my snowshoes!

I think, a lot of times, people perceive a ecology-centered lifestyle (or green...I'm never really sure what terminology to use) as being restrictive.  It's not an outlandish conclusion to come to, really.  Essentially, when making decisions in an ecosystem context, you're thinking not just about yourself, but the system in which you live.  In that framework, sometimes the easiest, most convenient, or even funnest option isn't the very best choice.  This can seem like, well, a bummer.  However, I think you will find that with a little effort and proper prior planning you can still enjoy the activities you love!  I'll give you an example of an adventure I went on with some lady-ecologists this past weekend.

Not like the snow was deep or anything

One of my friends in graduate school, A, is from Florida originally, and since winter has rolled in she has been jonesing to get to the snow!  Lucky for her, I am always game for an outdoor adventure, and we quickly found a few co-conspirators.  With a little quick research, A found that we could rent snow shoes from the campus outdoor club for 10 dollars for the whole weekend.  Renting or borrowing equipment that you will only use occasionally is one excellent way to lessen the impact of your adventures.  You can think of it as reusing on the social level!  So, on Friday, after my TA meeting, I tottered on down to the outdoor adventure accessorizer, and rented my snowshoes.  Easy peasie.  I also borrowed a pair of gaiters from one of the other girls coming along because I lack proper snow-playing  gear (I'd been living in SoCal for 3 years).

Lake Tahoe from afar

Originally, A and I had planned to head up to Lake Tahoe on Saturday night with a full car of friends and stay at a fellow student's parent's cabin, and another group planned to drive up Sunday morning early and meet us for the day.  However, around 3:30 Saturday afternoon, due to a number of circumstances, the volume of passengers in the car dropped to just A and myself.  We regrouped and called the Sunday morning crew.  Did they all want to carpool together on Sunday morning?  The deal was done, and we all had more time to do work (oh joy).  Carpooling is an extremely important part of lessening the impacts of your adventures.  If your schedule is flexible, taking the train or bus are also great options!  I used this carbon footprint calculator to estimate the emissions from our trip.  With 4 of us in the car, I estimate we emitted 0.09 metric tons of CO2.  That's only 0.023 metric tons of CO2 each as opposed to 0.04 if we had stuck with the original plan and driven in pairs.  Additionally, considering the vehicle you choose to drive is key.  If I can avoid it, I never take my car on adventures unless it will be FULL of gear, surfboards, or people because the gas millage is not the best.

You have rented, you have carpooled, and now you are on your adventure!  Time to have a blast and/or marvel at nature (depending on the brand of adventure you have chosen).  Make sure you pack your own food and water to the greatest extent possible to reduce the unnecessary plastic wrapping associated with buying food on the go.  I go into some examples of the types of foods I like on the go here.  On this adventure, I had a few granola bars (weird composite wrapping, too bad) and lots of fruit!



Lower Echo Lake

How long could we have resisted?

After this weekend, I would highly recommend that everyone go on a winter adventure ASAP.  As we discussed on our hike, the deep snow makes LNT (leave no trace) hiking super easy.  You don't have to worry about messing up trails, damaging vegetation, or contributing to erosion because...you're just walking on top of the snow!  It was also wonderful to get out into nature as it really helped me to decompress.  I'm never sure how much to write about it here, but being a graduate student is really stressful.  I'm busy a lot, and that's why my posting here isn't super regular.  However, when I spend time on non-academic things on purpose, I'm much more productive during my week.  And running around this winter wonderland was a great use of my time!

Really guys, don't even try and park here.

Last Word:  Adventuring while living an environmentally conscious life is possible!  All you need is a little bit of creativity and desire to make a good plan.  Knowing I put in just that little extra effort makes me feel even more excited about my current/future endeavors   Over the last weekend, my major green decisions were to rent/barrow gear, carpool, and pack lots of snacks!  Next time you long for an adventure, try to implement at least one (maybe two!) of these strategies, and try to find a way to measure the results.  I love looking at the numbers and seeing the impacts of my decisions.

 What do you think?  Are there things you could do to make your adventures easier on the planet?  Any tips for low impact travel that I haven't mentioned in this post?  I would love to hear them!     

Eco-Inspiration 3

Wednesdays are insanity for me this quarter.  It's those truly crazy days when I start to wondering, "Why am I doing this again?"  Those are also days when I forget my reusable coffee mug, end up buying lunch at work,  and decide not to go the the gym.  Wow, what a bad combo, but the perfect ingredients for a bad attitude!  It's for just those sorts of days that I have assembled my little folder of Eco-Inspiration which I am slowly sharing with you guys (if you're new, check here and here for more inspiring stuff!).  


When you are having a rough day, take a short break to get some perspective and get inspired.  When you come back, reflect on your actions.  Maybe your goal was to remember your reusable mug everyday this week, but you got busy and forgot on Wednesday.  Did you know lots of studies say it takes 30 days to form a new habit?  Don't be so hard on yourself, but do get back on the horse.  Your 30 days starts again tomorrow, and you have nearly unlimited chances to get it right!  Remember, every time you do remember and adhere to your small environmental goals, you add on to all your previous actions.  In a month, if you compare your efforts to what would happen if you made no effort you will start to actually see a difference!  Thus, in honor of Wednesdays and sticking to our goals, I offer you this week's Eco-inspiration.  This is my all time go to if I'm having a bad day.  I take the last line quite literally and apply it to each new day.  Practice resurrection. 

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front*

By Wendell Berry

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,

vacation with pay. Want more

of everything ready-made. Be afraid

to know your neighbors and to die.

And you will have a window in your head.

Not even your future will be a mystery

any more. Your mind will be punched in a card

and shut away in a little drawer.

When they want you to buy something

they will call you. When they want you

to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something

that won’t compute. Love the Lord.

Love the world. Work for nothing.

Take all that you have and be poor.

Love someone who does not deserve it.

Denounce the government and embrace

the flag. Hope to live in that free

republic for which it stands.

Give your approval to all you cannot

understand. Praise ignorance, for what man

has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.

Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.

Say that your main crop is the forest

that you did not plant,

that you will not live to harvest.

Say that the leaves are harvested

when they have rotted into the mold.

Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus

that will build under the trees

every thousand years.

Listen to carrion – put your ear

close, and hear the faint chattering

of the songs that are to come.

Expect the end of the world. Laugh.

Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful

though you have considered all the facts.

So long as women do not go cheap

for power, please women more than men.

Ask yourself: Will this satisfy

a woman satisfied to bear a child?

Will this disturb the sleep

of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.

Lie down in the shade. Rest your head

in her lap. Swear allegiance

to what is nighest your thoughts.

As soon as the generals and the politicos

can predict the motions of your mind,

lose it. Leave it as a sign

to mark the false trail, the way

you didn’t go. Be like the fox

who makes more tracks than necessary,

some in the wrong direction.

Practice resurrection.

Last Word:  This poem always gets me going and excited again.  Don't be discouraged if you get off track because of your crazy life, or maybe because other people are getting you down.  Reflect on the purpose of your choices, and maybe write your very own Manifesto to read and reflect on when things get tough.  

What do you think?  What really peps you up?  Poetry?  Pictures?  Have you ever though about writing your own Manifesto to read in times of stress or frustration?  I would love to know about it. 

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front” from The Country of Marriage, copyright © 1973 by Wendell Berry   *Emphasis is mine.