Meridith and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Qualifying Exam

I’ve made my way all the way to the end of my 20th year of schooling without much in the way of seemingly insurmountable challenges. Sure, the post secondary life is peppered with exams (SAT, ACT, GRE), finals, applications processes, and so on, but while all of these have caused me stress in the past, none even compare to my qualifying exams of my PhD program. This past May, after a year of courses and months of studying, I tackled three days of intense examinations which included a day of two 3-hour Stats Theory exams and nearly 48 hours of a take home applied project. I went in with months of studying, waves of support from friends and family (thanks!) , 6 pages front and back of notes to use, and even a belly full of sushi. I come out… completely and utterly defeated.

Failed like I failed to keep it together during
this episode of Dr. Who.

Going back a bit, studying leading up to these exams had pretty much become my life on top of coursework for my spring classes. The Fear and Guilt set in early and persisted throughout that time. If I was studying I was afraid of not being able to get enough exam practice and progress made in time. If I wasn’t studying, I felt guilty for spending any of the available time I had on anything else. Maintaining your mental health is important during this time, but it becomes increasingly difficult when anytime you make an effort to carve out time for yourself or your relationships that Guilt is always looming. When that first day finally arrived and we had our two theory exams, I tried to pump myself up and really believe in my abilities. I’d always pulled it together before! My brain was just. not. having it. Some of the questions threw me through a loop, some were from topics from other classes that I had not reviewed, some were fairly straightforward but my scumbag brain decided to wait to remember everything relevant until right as I was turning in my exams.

Blog Slacker Gives Peak into Real Life

Meridith and I were commiserating yesterday that we had been STS Slackers.  But, y'all, real life (RL) got so real these past few weeks.  Meridith is studying for her qualifying exams, and my lab mate and I have been racing against phenology to get our projects in the field.  We study the same invasive plant and have actually been experimenting with an amazing work sharing system.  More on that later, probably.

Anyway, all that to say, getting two blog posts out a month is pretty much where we are at these days.  We, of course, have tons of awesome plans and big ideas, but all those take time.  Time's a bit of a commodity these days.  So, in lieu of completely disappearing from the internet, I give you a peak into my RL, as seen from my iPhone.

Here we have the Rachel in her natural habitat, obnoxiously posing with an obscene amount of pin flags.  This might have been the day when I started the "You Might be an Ecologist if..." meme on Tumblr.

Being an Involved Grad Student

A.K.A How to being involved AND score free meals

I'm a fairly involved graduate student. Rachel is as well. The benefits are numerous, but some of the top reasons we like to be involved include contributing to our respective departments and universities, building our C.V., access to amazing workshops/events/etc, in addition to always knowing where the free food on campus is located! Below are some of our top ways for you to get involved within your own programs!

Part 3 - And Now for Something Completely Different

How We Came to be Here - A Story in Three Parts

This week STS will be sharing stories of coming to careers in STEM fields.  We hope we can offer three different perspectives on finding your career path, navigating higher education, and deciding how and when your journey needs to change.  We’d love to hear any and all of your stories about finding your calling or your struggles/victories if you’re still trying to figure it out right now.  Please share!  It’s important for all of us (especially those in high school and undergrad) to know that there is no single, best way to approach this crazy adventure.  For Part 1, which is Rachel's story, click here. For Part 2, which is Chelsea’s story, click here.

Can I do it on my own? 

I have some impressive posts to follow! I am very lucky to have two wildly inspirational best friends that are both doing such amazing things with their lives. I suppose it’s time for my story. Unlike Rachel and Chelsea, after graduating from WKU in 2009 I took an academic year off to reconsider my options for moving forward. I’d had lots of wonderful experiences during my undergraduate years thanks to my mentor, Dr. Albert Meier. At that point I had done research, internships, studying abroad, an honors thesis, but even with all of this involvement, I still was terribly intimidated by the prospect of graduate school. Albert often reassured me that I could go straight into a PhD program, but to me that seemed like rushing the process. During the time I was working on applications to different programs I was living at home and working at a Red Robin to save money. A lot of my friends had already been accepted and moved onto graduate programs while I still had a giant pile of uncertainty in my future. This was a pretty bleak time for me.

Part 2: Money isn’t Everything - or - Breaking up with Science

How We Came to be Here - A Story in Three Parts

This week STS will be sharing stories of coming to careers in STEM fields.  We hope we can offer three different perspectives on finding your career path, navigating higher education, and deciding how and when your journey needs to change.  We’d love to hear any and all of your stories about finding your calling or your struggles/victories if you’re still trying to figure it out right now.  Please share!  It’s important for all of us (especially those in high school and undergrad) to know that there is no single, best way to approach this crazy adventure. For Part 1, which is Rachel's story, click here.  

________________________

My name is Chelsea. I have known Meridith since I moved to Kentucky in 1996. That was 19 year ago! Before anything else, I would like to use this guest post as a forum to show some funny pictures of us together, and then I will talk about science.

Photographic evidence of Meridith and Chelsea’s especially long friendship. This was taken at Meridith’s house in 1997.

Part 2: Money isn’t Everything - or - Breaking up with Science

Part 1: A Totally Expected Journey

How We Came to be Here - A Story in Three Parts

This week, myself, Meridith, and a guest author, will be sharing our stories of coming to careers in STEM fields.  We hope we can offer three different perspectives on finding your career path, navigating higher education, and deciding how and when your journey needs to change.  We’d love to hear any and all of your stories about finding your calling or your struggles/victories if you’re still trying to figure it out right now.  Please share!  It’s important for all of us (especially those in high school and undergrad) to know that there is no single, best way to approach this crazy adventure.      

“It is not the only or the easiest way to come to the truth. It is one way.” - Wendell Berry

Part 1:  A Totally Expected Journey

When applying for my PhD program, my soon-to-be mentor offered up some solid advice about writing and entrance essay to an ecology graduate program, “For the love of God, don’t tell us how you were a little kid with a bucket on the beach.”  Good advice for standing out in the pile of 100 essays written by little kids playing in the sand who grew up to become would-be scientists playing the sand.  I am, now, going to completely disregard that advice.  Here, making our point this week, I think it’s important.

Hindsight and Foresight

My Cohort Chums getting their learn on.

I finished my first semester of my PhD program last month after a long, very long, oh-so-long semester. For context, my previous educational career was in the biological sciences, but when applying to grad school (round two) I made the decision to pursue a degree in Statistics. This semester has held a lot of firsts, frustrations, and failures, but now that the dust has settled, I can look back on it with a clear view (hindsight is 20/20!). I want to take this time to reflect so that I can hopefully emerge with a more confident approach to my future semesters.

A RefreshED Look Back at STS's First Year

Sweet Tea, Science, the idea, was proposed by Rachel in November of 2013. However, it was during our annual get together with our wildly amazing group of friends for New Years 2013/2014 that the ball really got rolling over on our Tumblr. Recently, we've brought in the New Year once more with some of our favorite, most inspirational people in the world. Among these friends is the creative whirlwind that is J.D. VanSlyke, one half of the voices behind our favorite podcast: RefreshED! He was kind enough to lead this interview so that we may share some of what we've done over the past year, and a lot of what we're thinking for the future!

HUGE thanks to JD for his completely fantastic interview questions. Be sure to tune into RefreshED this year. We are very much looking forward to the times ahead and the opportunities that may present themselves. Please let us know if you have any ideas for potential guest posts or if you'd like to collaborate with us in some way! 

Assess the Stress

This is it guys. Two more weeks and then FINALS! Wow, two sentences into a blog post and I’m already about to reach for the stress chocolate I have stashed in my desk right next to the stress tea. Admittedly, the rest of the semester is going to be non-stop GO, GO, GO, for me and a lot of y’all out there. We’ve all being kicking ass this year and nothing is stopping us now. Even that crippling fear of ending the semester in a horrific crash and burn finals extravaganza doesn’t stand a chance. Not going to happen, folks. Why? Because we are going to keep our stress in check. Rachel and I have both been through our fair share of finals weeks (not to mention Rachel’s COMPS are tomorrow! GO WISH HER LUCK) and we’ve gathered up our top tips for finishing the semester with minimal freak out moments.

1. Hang on to your favorite mantras for dear life until it’s all over. My personal favorite currently is “Stay ahead of them game, or at least don’t fall behind”, while I’m pretty sure Rachel’s is “All my tasks are accomplishable”.  I used to think mantras were a little silly, but I am a full fledged believer now. Sometimes just taking a moment to remind yourself that you are capable really helps.

Plans for the Afterward

I'm studying for my qualifying exams right now, and I think I'm firmly in the "What if I FAIL?" phase.  I really don't think I'll fail.  But, WHAT IF?!!  In either case, I'll know in about two weeks.  In the afterglow of my success or in the I-don't-give-a-crap phase before deciding on my new career path, I plan to have two days of full on relaxation.  Hint, if you come to this blog to hear about actual science things, then now is the time to bow out of this post.  Otherwise, here are the things I plan to do when I can close my eyes and not visualize the carbon and nitrogen cycles.

Tricks of the Trade: LaTeX

Ok, guys. I’ve been studying as a baby statistician (scienctician? statscientist? ecologitician?)  for a little while now and I’m here to share some of their secrets. Before I started here at Penn State I had a couple ideas about what other grad students in my department would be like. First, everyone would be computer masters of any and all statistical programs: R, SAS, others that I hadn’t even heard of yet. Second, they’d all be completely on top of everything in all of our classes because they all would’ve completed undergraduate and master’s programs also in statistics. And thirdly, it’d be really hard to relate to other students because of my background in biology and my love for the outdoors (because clearly they’d all prefer sitting inside in front of their computers, right?). Thankfully, I was way off base and not only am I not left in the educational dust, but my cohort is full of awesome students with a wide variety of strengths and abilities. And I must collect them all. Yea, my new goal is to be like some sort of awesome Anna-Paquin-as-Rogue statistician and glean all of the amazing abilities and knowledge while I can. Except I think I’ll stick to taking the time to learn and practice things...instead of the whole touchy hurty thing she does. One of my absolute favorite new acquires is the ability to write and code in LaTeX.

Getting a Motivation Makeover

Last week, doing anything was a struggle.  Literally all I wanted to do was watch cartoons, eat burritos, and perform the bare minimum tasks I could get away with doing (Editor’s note: This is me. Always).  Admitting these sorts of things is what makes the idea of an anonymous blog very appealing on occasion.  It’s not because I have a super exciting secret life or anything (spoiler alert: I find my own life very exciting on the whole), but because I think a lot of the things I struggle with as a scientist in training are widely felt but often actively overlooked.  Graduate school is where you learn how to learn (because as a scientist, the learning never stops), hone key skills, and net a set of accomplishments that will make you stand out in the job market.  It’s a place where people who are fired up about things go to dive deep into problems, and it’s no surprise that so many great innovations are the result of doctoral dissertations.  And I’d say, about 50 weeks out of the year, I feel fired up about science.  About conservation.  About freaking adorable invertebrates and gnarly invasive plants.  

Adorbs.

I’ve been in graduate school for over 5 years, 3 years for my Master’s and 2 full years of PhD work.  It would be disingenuous and unhelpful for me to say that, over the past 5 years, I haven’t had motivational slumps.  Do I believe there are people who are 100% juiced up all the time, who never have to search for a reason to get reignited over their work?  I really do.  And I wish I was one of them, but I’m not.  Further, I think there are plenty of graduate students who struggle from time to time with motivation.  There are a lot of reasons:  personal issues, burnout, loss of interest in a project, imposter syndrome.  The thing is, I think we are taught to pretend this isn’t happening.  I have stock advice I give to all new graduate students when we are chatting, “Anyone who pretends they have their act together is faking it.  Everyone is freaking out.”  I think I need to do a bit of taking my own advice.  I’m probably not the only one who occasionally sits at their desk and goes “blah.”  I don’t think feeling a periodic lack of motivation makes me (or you) a bad scientist.  I don’t think it indicates a lack of passion.  I think pretending it isn’t happening is less than authentic.  I think refusing to yield to these periods and rekindling your fire speaks volumes of capability, passion, and drive.      

So here is my truth, as I’ve experienced it on several occasions.  I’m sailing along fine, killing it in the lab, balancing several projects, keeping my little fingers tippy-tapping on my writing projects.  A large milestone approaches.  I start to feel like I’m not doing enough (ironically, these sorts of thought progressions usually happen after 8pm in the lab…) and a little touch of imposter syndrome starts to kick up.  How rude!  I make plans for how to attack said milestone, I budget out my time, I feel like I can totally do this!  Then I’m motionless for a stressful span of days, absolutely sure that as soon as I begin I’ll realize the task is impossible.  Things spiral, I consume an unnatural amount of peanut butter, then some action or event clicks things back into place and I’m sprinting again.  In the spirit of honestly, it’s absolutely frustrating to look at yourself in the mirror and say aloud, “What’s wrong with me this week?”  But, in the end, it’s almost like fighting with your best friend.  It’s going to happen at some point, and if you take the time to learn something about them and yourself in the process, you can come out the other side closer than ever.

After that overly honest preamble, I’ll present my non-exhaustive, in no particular order list of things that have gotten my butt back in gear in the past.  This is how I kiss and make-up with science when I’ve been neglecting it.